Tag: marriage

Loving Again

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Most people want to be loved.  Well, at least all those I have ever met.  Like me, they enjoyed receiving the extra adoration, special privileges, attention, forgiveness and light that being loved brings.  However, it is interesting to note how many of the same people do not want to give love.  They are unwilling to put in the work to heal, humble oneself and prepare for love.

I fell into this category.  Maybe you can relate. You are just too tired and disappointed from past hurt to try.  Bitterness begins to construct an impermeable wall to block the free flow of love in and out of your heart.  But at some point, you have to ask yourself if you want love in your life again (from another person other than your child or family).  Be honest.  Ask yourself, “Do I desire to experience reciprocal true love…tender, patient, powerful, kind, forgiving and faithful?” If you do, one of the first steps is to turn to God and humble yourself.

Don’t do anything for selfish purposes,
but with humility think of others as better than yourselves.
Instead of each person watching out for their own good,
watch out for what is better for others.
– Philippians 2:3-4 (Common English Bible)

Believe me; humility takes a lot of work!  It requires letting go of pain and trusting God with all aspects of your new relationship.  You have to endure the healing process. It requires you to be vulnerable and relinquish control. It also involves a new set of eyes…seeing others and yourself from a new perspective.  And to be clear, humility of oneself does not mean settling for just anyone.  You should expect the best! Thankfully, God’s word can help you with this transformation and provide the strength you will need.  Although there may be some tears, loving again is worth the effort!

…And everyone, clothe yourselves with humility toward each other.
God stands against the proud, but he gives favor to the humble.
– 1 Peter 5: 5 (Common English Bible)

Looking for Love

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Many people are looking for that one true love. A good mate can contribute to a healthy, happy and prosperous life. I am amazed at how far some people will go just to experience love. Opening your heart to love and to be loved by someone special is a very important decision. Who we love is so significant, great care and wisdom should be taken before we proceed.

Consult with the One who is love.

I could have avoided serious heartaches if I only consulted with God before entering into a relationship. I did not understand that He wanted to be the lead in every area of my life, especially my love life. The internet, friends, clubs and social events were once the trusted source for finding companionship. I never thought that God could or would find a mate for me.

God is concerned with who you love and who loves you.

After looking for love in all the wrong places, I finally realized I had to open my heart and trust God.  I shared with Him what I was looking for in the man I would like to marry. No topic was spared…personality, character, height, sexual intimacy, family values, financial acumen, health, hobbies, spirituality, food preferences, physical strength, vocal tone, love language, etc. God listened to all my desires and qualifications. I even wrote them down and confessed them. I was excited and ready to meet this awesome man I had envisioned.  However, the Holy Spirit revealed another step in my quest for love that I had never before considered.

Pray for your mate before you meet them.

Initially, I was unsure how to pray for someone who I did not know even existed. My faith had to believe that this person was real and in need of prayer. I knew of all of his good attributes since I requested them, but I did not consider the areas where he may have weaknesses. Praying for him took the focus away from my desires and taught me a deeper level of compassion. We all are in need of prayer for something and true love covers all. I began to pray for my future husband, trusted God and waited patiently for Him to bring us together.  I know that even the best marriages should be covered in continuous prayer. I am glad God prepared me ahead of time. Prayer is powerful!

Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation;
continuing instant in prayer;
distributing to the necessity of saints;
given to hospitality. – Romans 12:12-13

If you are looking for love, I encourage you to consult with God first and begin praying for your future mate. To read more on the power of prayer, go to Week 28: Pray and Give Thanks in the Power Over All book.

Your Power Season

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change-of-season

Do you ever feel like giving up and throwing in the towel?  Has a whirlwind of emotions convinced you to abandon your dreams, a marriage, God or even your own life? Before you make any decisions, let’s take a moment to breathe and refresh.

Every person experiences an undesirable season in life – grief, depression, frustration, shame, loss, addiction or an unexpected tragedy.  If left unattended, these seasons can steal your joy, harden your heart and leave you barren of faith. However, with the power of God, they can also provide opportunities for supernatural victory!

If you are ready for a season change, here are some tools that may help you…

Keep your heart towards God
Seasons of life test spiritual maturity.  You can strengthen your faith by focusing on the promises of God written in His Word. This can be extremely difficult to do while experiencing the disappointments and distractions of life.  But doing so will empower you to break free from hopelessness.  His Word gives inspiration for the future. God loves you. Talk to Him about your pain and allow Him to replace it with a joy and peace that only He can provide.  In the midst of a winter, God will prepare you for your spring.

I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.
He brought me up also out of an horrible pit,
out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.
And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God:
many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord. – Psalm 40:1-3

Be patient and believe
Tribulation is temporary. Your present circumstance is not your final season. Continue building intimacy with God in prayer. Believe God has taken care of all your adversaries and infirmities. Take refuge and find comfort in Him. Take time to rest and quiet your spirit. The manifestation of your destiny is worth waiting for. Your words, actions and reactions may seem justified, but find out what God has for you. This knowledge is imperative for strength and endurance in any season.

Never apply a permanent solution to a temporary problem –
Make decisions based on purpose instead of on the pressures of life
– Dr. Myles Munroe

Look ahead and dream BIG
Even in darkness, envision yourself in a new season!  Believe the best for your life! Creating a dream board is a great way to visualize your future success.  Avoid rehearsing past regrets and reliving painful events.  Forgive others and forgive yourself to maintain clear vision.  Bitterness impairs your ability to see ahead.  The Word of God will encourage you and build up your dreams.  It is a constant reminder that your future is greater than anything you have already experienced!

Brothers and sisters, I myself don’t think I’ve reached it,
but I do this one thing:
I forget about the things behind me
and reach out for the things ahead of me.
– Philippians 3:13 (Common English Bible)

Do not give up!
 Friend, God has a purpose for your life.  He needs you to continue on the journey with Him.  Keep going towards God.  He will reveal your destiny and bring it to pass. With Him, you will overcome the impossible.  No person, present situation or past mistake can stop you from your power season!

And let us not be weary in well doing:
for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. – Galatians 6:9

The Power of Love & Respect

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Photo credit: Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs book logo

Logo credit:  Love & Respect by  Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Did you know there is power in submission? It is not a very popular topic, however understanding the concept of headship, honor, love and respect can transform any marriage for the better. The more I learn how God designed the covenant of marriage to work gracefully between a man and a woman, the more I am intrigued by its untapped resources.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself;
and the wife see that she reverence her husband. – Ephesians 5:33

According to the book Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, this scripture is a focal point for those who desire peace, intimacy and exhilaration in their marriage.  The book also provides much insight on the importance of spiritual maturity, behavior, and tone to the overall success of a healthy relationship.  A fruitful and glorious marriage requires both spouses to have a heart to serve each other…unconditionally. Those two words: “serve” and “unconditional” are strong and powerful concepts in a marital relationship. Thankfully, Christ is our example and the strength which enables us to relate to our spouse in this very special way.

Here are just a few nuggets from the book…

  • Unconditional respect is just as important as unconditional love
  • Headship provides protection – not domination
  • Wives can practice speaking to their husbands in the same adoration, tone and encouragement and with the same soft facial expression that they would want their daughter-in-laws to speak to their sons
  • Proverbs 10:19 – With lots of words comes wrongdoing, but the wise restrain their lips. (Common English Bible Translation)
  • We can grow to honor our spouses in a manner that energizes the relationship

I hope you are able to read this book and find your inspiration! Begin a new journey with God! Trust Him to soften your heart and expand your capacity to love your spouse without fear.  Experience the power of love and respect!

Power of Love

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Have you ever thought that love makes you weak or vulnerable?  Maybe you have regarded love as an erratic emotion instead of a spiritual force.   For too long, my life consisted of exchanging “conditional” love.  I had a fear and mistrust of love so the conditions were my way of preserving my heart.   However, this type of love put me and others into bondage – always working to qualify for it.  I realized that loving this way was unstable and selfish.   This “conditional” love was hardening my heart with unforgiveness and negatively impacting my quality of life.  As a result, I was not able to give love freely or access its power.

God’s love is often unappreciated, misunderstood and underestimated.  God wants us to love Him, each other and ourselves with a pure love.  When we love the way God loves us, we experience the greatest power in the universe.   This pure love creates, protects and overcomes any circumstance.  Even when we are told to love our enemies and those that despitefully use us, God’s love does not require us to be subject to any abuse or wickedness.  We can love our adversaries through prayer and He will take care of the rest.

The Lord preserveth all them that love him:
but all the wicked will he destroy. – Psalm 145:20

It is very important to know and experience God’s everlasting love for ourselves.  Our relationships, marriages and self-esteem will abound in the joy, peace and power that God’s love provides.  I am still learning to love like God and often renew my mind to the biblical definition of love…

Love is patient and kind.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.

It does not demand its own way.

It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful,
and endures through every circumstance.

– 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (New Living Translation)

 I encourage you to draw closer to Him and experience the power of love.  To read more about God’s love, go to Week 3: Love in the Power Over All book.

Trusting God with the Unexpected

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My husband Daires and me

One summer morning, I woke up eager to go to church.  While getting dressed, God spoke to me about completely trusting Him in every area of my life.  I remember that my heart was full of expectation and I was ready to receive the Word.  That particular Sunday was extremely crowded (plus I was a little late) so the usher had to search for an available seat for me.  She finally found one and sat me between two gentlemen I had never seen before. 

A strange thing happened that day.

Once the pastor began service, his microphone stopped working and the entire sound system went out.   The congregation went silent.  We then were asked to turn to each other, exchange prayer requests and begin praying for each other in small groups of two or three.  I turned to my left, touched the arm of the man next to me, listened to his request and began to pray.  When I finished, he thanked me, took my hand and earnestly prayed for me.  His spirit immediately ministered to mine.  As he prayed, my heart released bitterness that had been deeply suppressed.  Maybe two minutes into the prayer, I collapsed to my knees and wept in front of everyone.  It was so embarrassing, but I could not control the flood of tears.  It felt like my soul was purging.  I never experienced anything like this before, especially not in church in front of so many others.  Instead of stopping to see if I was OK, the tall man held my hand tighter and continued to intercede for me through prayer.

He stayed strong while I was weak.

The usher brought tissues and the other prayer groups nearby cleared a little space for her to check on me.  As his prayer ended, my tears subsided.  Eventually, I was able to regain my composure.  Although my make-up smeared, my sundress wrinkled and I felt totally exposed, the stranger just smiled at me with all sincerity.  The sound system began working and the pastor resumed service.   Almost an hour went by and I realized I was still holding hands with a man I just met and whose name I did not even know.  Yes, it was very awkward, but it was one of the most peaceful encounters I have ever experienced in life.   I knew God was present and trusted Him with this unexpected journey I was about to embark on.

And that is how I met my husband.

I greatly appreciate how we work together at our marriage and respect each other’s personal relationship with God.  One thing that has helped us tremendously is that we continue to pray for each other daily.   Prayer is powerful and essential for victorious living!  Through all of our growing pains, my husband loves me, encourages me and leads me…still holding my hand.

BUT IT IS GOOD FOR ME TO DRAW NEAR TO GOD: I HAVE PUT MY TRUST IN THE LORD GOD, THAT I MAY DECLARE ALL THY WORKS. – PSALM 73:28